How to feel your feelings

Don't cry. Don't get mad. Don't get too excited.

Many of us have spent years suppressing our emotions, often without even realizing it. Some feelings seem "bad," while others seem too frivolous or time-consuming to fit into our busy lives. 

But when we actually allow ourselves to truly feel our feelings, we gain a deeper understanding of what's working in our lives—and what needs some extra attention. Our emotions can guide our growth, if we choose to listen to them.

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So keep reading to learn how and why to embrace all of your emotions, even the ones that might feel a bit uncomfortable. We promise it's worth it.

What are emotions?

At the core of our human experience lie emotions. These are complex, often fleeting responses that arise from our interactions with the world, reflecting our perceptions, reactions, and interpretations of situations. 

Emotions are neither purely mental nor purely physical; they encompass both realms. When we say we "feel" something, it isn't just a metaphor. Our heart might race, our palms may sweat, or a warm sensation might envelop us. These physiological reactions are intimately tied to our mental state and thoughts.

But how many emotions are there, really? The answer isn't straightforward. While some psychologists propose that there are a few basic emotions—such as joy, sadness, fear, disgust, anger, and surprise—from which all other emotions derive, others believe that the spectrum of human emotions is far broader. And then there are cultural nuances to consider; certain emotions might be recognized and named in one culture but not in another.

Regardless of the exact number, what's clear is that emotions serve as a kind of internal compass. They signal our likes and dislikes, drawing us closer to some experiences and repelling us from others. Emotions, in essence, are tools for survival, growth, and understanding. By recognizing their profound importance, we can begin to value and give space to every feeling that dances across our internal landscape.

Recognize the physical sensations that come with different emotions

As mentioned earlier, emotions are not just mental states; they also have a physical component. When we experience different emotions, our body reacts in various ways—sometimes subtly, other times quite dramatically.

For example, when we feel anxious or scared, our heart rate might increase and our palms may become sweaty. We might feel a knot in our stomach or tension in our neck and shoulders. On the other hand, when we're happy or excited, we might experience a lightness in our step, a broad smile on our face, and a sense of energy coursing through us.

By paying attention to these physical sensations, we can gain insight into what we're feeling at any given moment. This can be particularly helpful if you're someone who struggles to identify or articulate your emotions. By noticing that your heart is racing or your breath is shallow, for instance, you might recognize that you're feeling anxious—even if you can't quite put your finger on why.

In addition to helping us better understand ourselves, recognizing the physical sensations of different emotions can also help us regulate them more effectively. If you notice that you're clenching your jaw or tensing up whenever you feel angry, for instance, you might try intentionally relaxing those muscles as a way to diffuse some of that anger's intensity.

So next time you find yourself experiencing an emotion—whether it's joy or sadness or something in between—take a moment to check in with your body. What sensations do you notice? How does this emotion manifest itself physically? By answering these questions, you'll deepen your understanding of both your body and mind—and learn how to better navigate the complex landscape of human emotions.

Accepting all emotions

One of the biggest roadblocks to feeling our emotions fully is the belief that some feelings are "good" while others are "bad." We might tell ourselves that we shouldn't feel angry, sad, or anxious, or that we should always strive to be happy and content.

But the truth is that all emotions are valid and important. Each feeling serves a purpose, whether it's to alert us to a potential threat or to bring us closer to something we love. By denying ourselves the full range of human emotions, we're cutting ourselves off from valuable sources of information and growth.

So instead of judging yourself for feeling a certain way, try to approach each emotion with curiosity and openness. Ask yourself: What message is this feeling trying to convey? What can I learn from it? By accepting your emotions—without judgment or shame—you'll be better equipped to navigate life's ups and downs with grace and resilience.

Remember: you don't have to like every emotion you feel. But by acknowledging them all as valid parts of your experience, you'll gain a deeper appreciation for the richness and complexity of being human.

The Balance app's meditation experts, Ofosu Jones-Quartey and Leah Santa Cruz, talked about this very thing in an episode of their podcast; check it out here:

Reacting vs. responding to emotions

It's important to recognize that there is a difference between reacting and responding to our emotions. When we react, we're often doing so without thinking: our emotions take over, and we lash out or shut down in response. This can be especially true when we're feeling intense emotions like anger or fear.

On the other hand, when we respond to our emotions, we're doing so more intentionally. We might still feel those strong feelings, but we're able to take a step back and consider how best to express them in a constructive way.

Learning how to respond rather than react takes practice, but it's an essential skill for navigating our emotional landscape. Here are a few tips for getting started:

• Take a breath: When you feel yourself getting overwhelmed by your emotions, taking a deep breath can help you slow down and gain some perspective.
• Identify your triggers: Knowing what situations or experiences tend to trigger certain emotional reactions can help you prepare ahead of time.
• Consider the consequences: Before you act on your emotions, take a moment to think about what might happen if you do. Will your actions make the situation better or worse?
• Practice empathy: When dealing with difficult emotions—either yours or someone else's—try putting yourself in their shoes. This can help you approach the situation with greater understanding and compassion.

By learning how to respond rather than react to our emotions, we can cultivate healthier relationships—with ourselves and others—and build stronger emotional resilience over time.

Learning to express your emotions healthily

While it's important to acknowledge and accept all of our emotions, it's equally important to learn how to express them in healthy ways. This can be especially challenging if we've spent years suppressing or denying our feelings.

Expressing our emotions in unhealthy ways—such as through aggression, passive-aggression, or substance abuse—can damage our relationships and hinder our personal growth. However, learning how to express ourselves effectively can help us build stronger connections with others and better navigate life's challenges.

Here are a few tips for expressing your emotions in healthy ways:

• Use "I" statements: When communicating your feelings to someone else, try using "I" statements instead of "you" statements. For example, instead of saying "You always make me so angry," you might say "I feel really frustrated when this happens."
• Practice active listening: When someone else is sharing their emotions with you, make an effort to actively listen and validate their experience. Repeat back what they've said in your own words to show that you understand.
• Find healthy outlets: Instead of turning to substances or other harmful behaviors when you're feeling overwhelmed by your emotions, try finding healthier outlets. This might include exercise, journaling, or talking with a trusted friend.
• Seek professional support: If you're struggling to express your emotions in healthy ways—or if you're dealing with particularly intense feelings—it may be helpful to seek support from a mental health professional.

By learning how to express yourself in healthy ways, you can build stronger relationships with others and cultivate greater emotional resilience within yourself.

Practice meditation to increase emotional awareness

One effective way to deepen your emotional awareness is through the practice of meditation. Meditation encompasses numerous techniques that train attention and cultivate awareness, helping you observe your thoughts and feelings with greater clarity, understanding, and non-judgment.

One simple meditation exercise you can try is called "body scanning." To do a body scan meditation, find a quiet place where you won't be interrupted for a few minutes. Sit or lie down in a comfortable position, and close your eyes. Take a few deep breaths, and then bring your attention to your body.

Starting at the top of your head, slowly scan down through your body, noticing any sensations as you go. For example, you might notice tension or tightness in certain areas, or warmth or tingling in others. Simply observe each sensation without trying to change or judge it.

As you practice body scanning—or other meditation exercises—you may start to notice patterns in how different emotions manifest in your body. For example, you might notice that when you feel anxious, you tend to clench your jaw or hunch your shoulders.

By increasing your emotional awareness through meditation practices like these, you'll increase your mind-body connection and be better equipped to navigate life's challenges with greater ease and resilience.

Use the Balance app for guided meditation

Embracing your emotions can be a powerful tool for personal growth and understanding. By recognizing the physical sensations that come with different emotions, accepting that all emotions are valid and important, responding rather than reacting to your feelings, learning to express your emotions in healthy ways, and practicing meditation to increase emotional awareness, you can cultivate greater resilience and build stronger relationships with ourselves and others.

If you're looking for additional support on your emotional wellness journey, consider downloading the Balance app on iOS or Android. With guided body scans that are perfect for beginning meditators and experienced meditators alike, as well as countless other research-backed tools to support your emotional health and wellness, Balance acts like a coach in your pocket.

By prioritizing your emotional well-being, you'll be better equipped to navigate life's challenges with grace—and find joy in every moment.