Winding down for the night: Creating a calming nighttime routine

Your sleep isn’t a battlefield, my friend. It’s a garden. And creating a bedtime routine isn’t just for children; it’s an act of maturity and mindfulness, like the tender act of preparing the groundwork soil for your sleep to bloom. 

‍

Here’s how you can tend to your sleep with more care. 

Create “threshold rituals”

See, the mind craves signals to shift gears and wind down for the night. So help yourself by creating a simple sensory bridge between your day and night. Here’s some ritualistic ways you can signal your brain to wind down: 

• Light a candle: You could let its flicker guide you into some movement. No mirrors. No goals. Then whisper something like: “What served me today stays. What drained me, I release.” Then blow out the candle as you exhale the day.
• Gentle stretching: You’re not just stretching muscles. You’re unraveling the day’s stories stored in your body. 
• Brew a "gratitude tea": As you sip slowly, name three tiny joys from your day, like a child’s laugh, the weight of your blanket, or the smell of rain. 
• Read a physical book. Screens seem to shout at us while books whisper. Let the weight of the pages and the subtle scent of the ink anchor you in the tactile now. One idea is to read aloud for five minutes, even if just to yourself, and let the vibration of your voice slow your pulse. 
• Journaling: The pen can be a bridge between chaos and clarity. If you want to go even deeper into your heart, write with your non-dominant hand. You could even end with one question to your future self: “What do I need to dream into being tonight?”, and let your subconscious work while you sleep.
• Listen to soothing music or nature sounds: Soundscapes act as a “sonic blanket,” that muffle mind chatter by simply transporting your attention. 

• Take a warm bath with Epsom salts. This works so well because heat + magnesium = a biochemical sigh. After your bath, wrap yourself in a robe still warm from the dryer. Let that warmth linger like a hug.

The ultimate winding down for the night routine if you’re overwhelmed

If you’re in a state of overwhelm or anxiety, you might need more than one ritual to calm your nervous system and wind down for the night. Here’s one example, but I encourage you to find the combination that works best for you: 

1. Bathe (10 mins) → Wash the day from your skin.
2. Stretch (5 mins) → Unknot your mind through your body.
3. Write (3 mins) → Spill the residue of your day onto paper.
4. Read (7 mins) → Let another’s words carry you to the edge of sleep.
5. Breathe or meditate (3 mins) → Try one of these and see what works best for you:
   
   1. Breathe to the 4-7-8 rhythm as you turn off the light.
      
      1. Inhale for 4 counts (through your nose) 
      2. Hold for 7 counts (in stillness) 
      3. Exhale for 8 counts (through your mouth as a sigh)
      4. Repeat this for 4 cycles. 
   2. Or listen to a guided sleep meditation to help calm your nervous system. (The Balance app offers guided versions of both.)

But first, start small 

Remember, rituals aren’t about being perfect every time. So if you miss a step, forgive yourself. If you don’t have as much time, just abbreviate the sequence. Some nights, simply tracing your thumb over a book’s spine could signal the nervous system to wind down. Aim to start small and then let the routine evolve as you do over time.

Don’t forget self-compassion

When you just can’t fall asleep, ask yourself gently, “What does my body need most right now?” Sometimes the answer is a glass of water, forgiveness for a mistake, or just permission to lie awake without any judgment.

‍

Sleep isn’t something we can engineer through rigidity or by begrudgingly completing a bunch of prerequisites. It’s something we tenderly invite in. Like a gardener who has to trust that seeds will rise and break the ground in their own time. Your sleep is the gentle act of trusting in yourself or in the unfolding of life. 

‍

You can start by trusting your capacity to rest, and trusting that the night is your friend, not a foe. 

‍

Sleep well, my friend.