Common stressors for teens: How Coach Ofosu understands and manages adolescent challenges

As you may or may not know, I am the father of four children ranging from their early 20s to elementary school age. 

My wife and I have experienced the teenage years with our first two children and are doing our best to take it moment-by-moment as the teenage years of our third begin to unfold. 

What is it about the teenage years that are so challenging sometimes? Speaking for myself, I remember my teenage years as both socially exhilarating and, when it came to my high school mental health, very difficult. It seems to be somewhat of a universal experience. 

When you’re on the other end of it as a parent, however, no matter how much you can understand or remember your own experience, it can be tough to navigate the common stressors for teens your child is facing. What’s often needed—and what I feel is often missed—is a sense of empathy and compassion about what it’s like to be a teenager in these times. Between school, current events, and social media, our teenagers are bombarded with unlimited sources of teenage stress. 

Here are a few examples of what they are dealing with and how we can support them.

1. School

It’s no cliché to say that school is a really tough and layered experience for teenagers. There are significant academic pressures from each of their classes, and complicated social dynamics can play out in various types of relationships. Plus, the teenage brain is not fully formed, and the teenage body is under tremendous chemical and physical transformation. 

When we consider this unprecedented transformation happening in the context of academic and social pressure brought on by just being at school, we can see that common stressors for teens include not just homework and tests, but identity formation and emotional regulation. Teenagers deserve a lot of empathy, space, and compassion. A few moments of meaningful connection can give us a window into what their lives are like.

These questions can be a good starting point in helping us understand what our teens are going through and give us an opportunity to connect. 

• “What’s the hardest part about your day-to-day life right now?”
• “What do you love about the friends you have right now?” 
• “If you could speak to yourself the way you would speak to a dear friend, what would you say in this moment?”

You could also share these mental health journal prompts for high school students with them. 

Teenagers often just want to be heard and understood, not necessarily fixed or given any suggestions. They want space to work out their issues but to know that someone cares. Asking meaningful questions allows us to do just that.

2. Current events

It’s no secret that we live in a particularly volatile time in history. Unprecedented advancements in technology, global political unrest, dramatic violence, and climate change all culminate in a condition that some have dubbed the “poly crisis.” Our young people, especially our teenagers, are in the difficult position of being aware and informed enough about the world to care about what happens to it but not yet having enough agency to do a whole lot about it. 

This can lead to feelings of frustration, anger, depression, and nihilism—hallmarks of poor teen mental health if left unchecked. In my experience, it’s important to once again ask our teenagers how they feel about the state of the world right now and perhaps also ask what they might do if they were in power or had more agency. It’s important to listen to what they say without necessarily challenging their viewpoints, but rather, to be willing to engage in discussion that lets them feel heard. 

Sharing their political or existential viewpoints with an adult is actually a simple way that they can have agency in this moment. By sharing their views with someone who has more power to affect change than they might right now, they lend their voice to the possibility of change. This type of open dialogue is essential in building emotional resilience in teens.

3. Social media

If there’s one thing that keeps me up at night when it comes to my kids and their teenage experiences, it’s the influence of social media. 

Studies are now revealing the harmful mental and emotional effects social media has on all of us, particularly young people and teenagers. My teens are also aware of how detrimental screen time is but find it difficult to resist its seductive quality of offering cheap dopamine on a consistent basis. 

Social media is one of the most impactful common stressors for teens, yet also one of the hardest for them to moderate on their own. I don’t have a clear answer on how to best deal with this, but I do know that there are resources online that can help guide parents in talking to their teenagers about social media. 

Reminding my children that social media is designed to make them feel anxious, inadequate, and judgmental and that they can express their autonomy by limiting how much time they spend on it has been helpful to a degree. 

Something else that I’ve also found helpful is to connect as a family on our shared values and see whether or not those values are exemplified in how we interact with technology. If there are ways in which our use of technology doesn’t align with our values, what can we do about that? This reflection is a great entry point for discussion.

Supporting both teens and parents

I know I’m mentioning many ways of engaging with teens who are notoriously averse to engaging with their parents. The best we can do is try without expecting any particular results. Ultimately, I have found that our teens want both our loving presence and space to navigate this profound change in life. It can be hard to know which approach is appropriate. All we can do is try our best. 

As parents, we can support ourselves through the practice of self-compassion, reminding ourselves that it’s challenging but also beautiful to be a parent. We can speak to ourselves in the language and energy of a friend to support ourselves as we navigate the teenage years alongside them. 

One thing I can say is that it does get better. 

And before you know it, a new chapter begins.