How to be a happier person: 4 daily habits that work
The great teacher Thich Nhat Hanh famously said, “There is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way.”
On the surface, this can seem like a confusing riddle. But when I think about it more deeply, I believe he means that happiness is not a state of being but rather a way of being. In other words, our happiness is intertwined with what we think, say, and do in each moment. If we cultivate the thoughts that bring happiness and well-being, speak with optimism and kindness towards ourselves and others, and do things that make us feel healthy and joyful, we will experience happiness and become our way of life.
Over the years, I’ve had challenges cultivating happiness in my life—even as a meditation expert. But with continued practice and support, I’ve cultivated a happier way of being in the world. I’d love to share four habits I use in my daily life that have helped me to be happier.
How to be a happier person: Ofosu Jones-Quartey’s four daily habits
Here are 4 daily habits I’ve cultivated over the years that help me gain a happier outlook on my life:
1. Be a friend to yourself
One of the biggest obstacles many of us face in living a happier life is believing we are worthy of happiness. Speaking for myself, I’ve experienced anxiety, depression, and difficult OCD symptoms at different points in my life, and for a long time, I believed that happiness wasn’t something I deserved or was available to me.
The practice of self-compassion helped me examine and ultimately transform this belief. Self-compassion is simply treating yourself the way that you would treat a dear friend or loved one. We can begin this process by looking at how we talk to ourselves. Often, the self-critical voice is the loudest voice in our heads. But it doesn’t have to be!
At any given moment throughout the day, check in with yourself and notice how you’re feeling mentally, physically, and emotionally. Then, think of what you would say to a friend or loved one feeling the same way. Whatever you would say to them, say those exact words to yourself. Gradually creating this friendly atmosphere in your thinking and talking to yourself can be a game-changer.
The truth is that you are as worthy of happiness as anyone else on this planet. Being a friend to yourself means remembering that this is true.
2. Share your feelings openly
Many of us feel that our perspectives and experiences are too mundane, complicated, or unique to share. Sometimes, we feel that no one will understand or care about what’s going on in our lives—and this couldn’t be further from the truth.
Human beings are social animals. That means it’s essential to our overall well-being to share with others what is happening in our lives, however big, small, unique, or complex. It’s also essential for us to hear what’s happening in other people's lives as a way for us to normalize our own experiences and to be sources of compassion for others. Making connections with others—whether it’s an online meditation group, a therapist, friends, family members, or a group that shares your love for a particular hobby—helps give our lives meaning and goodness. Having opportunities to share your thoughts and feelings with people who can hold your truth with kindness and, in turn, being a source of kindness for others is essential to a happy life.
3. Live mindfully
I like to think of mindfulness as a practice that helps us to be aware and care about what’s happening in our minds, bodies, emotions, and the world around us. With that perspective, mindfulness can be applied to any situation in life. Whether sitting for a formal meditation session, commuting to the office, having a meal, or washing the dishes, we can bring our awareness to the present moment with an attitude of kindness and care.
This can be as simple as taking a few deep, conscious breaths during whatever action you’re engaging in, then gently returning to your breathing again and again throughout the activity to return to the present moment.
We can take these small moments to soak in the good things in our lives, whether thinking of what we can be grateful for at this moment, taking in a beautiful tree along our walking path, noticing the clouds during a sunset, or savoring a delicious meal.
We can also support ourselves in this way with meditation. The Balance app has a library of meditation Plans to guide you through the fundamentals of meditation practice, as well as quick Singles that can be go-tos throughout your day. There’s also a lot of support for getting a peaceful night's rest, which, in turn, helps us be more alert, present, and kind in our waking lives.
4. Trust the process
Cultivating happiness as a way of life is a journey that should continue for a lifetime.
Life is full of circumstances outside of our control that will sometimes challenge and sometimes enhance our access to living happily. As we navigate life’s inevitable ups and downs, we can trust that our efforts towards making friends with ourselves, making meaningful connections with others, and living mindfully are having a positive effect on our lives, slowly but surely. Drop by drop, the bucket becomes full. So, keep gently returning to cultivating happiness as a way of life. Before you know it, happiness will not be just what you experience, but it will be who and how you are.
After all, there is no way to happiness.
Happiness is the way.
