Party of one: A meditation expert’s tips on how to be happy alone
There’s a profound difference between isolation and aloneness.
Isolation is when we’re physically by ourselves, which can sometimes feel lonely. Aloneness, on the other hand, is something we actively cultivate in moments of stillness and in self-reflection of our inner world. It’s something we may crave if we don’t get enough of it, but we may be scared or resistant to do it out of fear of what we’ll encounter. Aloneness is a practice that helps us become more self-aware and balanced, allowing us to give to others without burning out.
The good news is that you can practice aloneness even in the middle of a busy family or social life—just start with a few minutes of meditation or mindfulness each day. A lot can happen in just 3-5 minutes.
Tip 1: Welcome everything
One of the first steps to being happy alone is learning to welcome everything that comes up—thoughts, emotions, sensations, desires, all of it. The more you practice inviting everything in without resistance or judgment, the more you let go of fighting yourself. Even the most uncomfortable feelings, like anger or sadness, can lose their grip or intensity when we stop fighting them. This practice of welcoming creates space within us, allowing emotions to come and go more freely without being overcome by it. It’s like saying, “Okay, I see you. You can stay for a bit, but you don’t get to control me.” Most often, this allows you to immediately release whatever you’ve been storing inside and no longer suppress it.
Tip 2: Cultivate curiosity
Next, get curious about what’s going on inside you. Think of your thoughts and emotions as little parts of you, each with its own persona. Ask yourself, “What’s this part of me trying to tell me or protect me from?” or “What does this part of me need right now?” Often, you’ll find that there’s a deeper message behind what you’re feeling.
For example, anger might be pointing to a boundary you need to set, or anxiety might be nudging you toward some kind of growth. You don’t have to overanalyze—sometimes just asking yourself, “What do you need?” is enough to open up new insights and give yourself the support you need deep down to thrive and feel good.
Tip 3: Offer compassion
Just like you would with a struggling friend or a child in need, show yourself some compassion. When those difficult emotions arise, treat them with kindness instead of harshness. These parts of you are often like your inner child, craving love and care from the healthier, adult version of you. Be gentle with yourself in these moments, and you’ll transform your inner dialogue from critical to caring.
Over time, you’ll feel safer and more supported in your own company, not overwhelmed anymore by the outside or inner world. You’ll begin to really love your own company.
Tip 4: Focus on what feels good
When you’re practicing aloneness, try focusing on something that feels good—like your breath, a sound you love, or a beautiful image in your mind. Let yourself get completely absorbed and immersed in it, allowing it to soothe and rejuvenate you. Spending even a few minutes in this space can help restore your energy and sense of well-being. You might be surprised by how quickly you start to crave these moments of aloneness for how much they can replenish your spirit and soothe your innermost being, offering deep healing and renewal.
Finding happiness in being alone starts with welcoming whatever arises within you, getting curious about your inner world, and showing those parts some compassion. When you gently rest your attention with something that feels good, you can turn aloneness into a deeply restorative and healing experience. Before long, these small moments of solitude will become something you look forward to, helping you recharge and show up as your best self in the world.
