How to fall asleep when anxious

It’s 3:12 a.m., and your mind is playing a highlight reel of worst-case scenarios. You’re flipping the pillow for the cooler side, your heart fluttering like a moth in a jar. You’re exhausted, but your brain is wide awake, having racing thoughts at night that feel too urgent to ignore.

If you’ve been there, night after night, welcome. You’re not alone. I’ve been there, too. Anxiety at bedtime is a quiet kind of torment…the world is silent, yet your inner world is SO LOUD. But what most don’t realize is, it’s not random. It’s your mind saying, “You’re ignoring something vital.”

So, how to fall asleep when anxious? Instead of trying to fight it off, what if you leaned in and asked, “What truth am I refusing to face?” Often, it’s something surprisingly simple, like an unspoken boundary, an unmourned loss, or a desire you’ve buried under the noise of the day. So tonight, make yourself a promise: Tomorrow, I’ll honor this one truth.

Let’s walk through a ritual together. Not to “win” at sleep but to melt your resistance to it. Call it the “Anxious Insomnia Overthrow,” if you like. But really, it’s a return to you. 

Phase 1: The wind-down hour

Sleep doesn’t begin when your head hits the pillow. It starts hours before, with a deliberate shift from doing to being. At 9 p.m. (or whatever your “wind-down” hour is), open up the floodgates.

Grab a physical notebook or paper and complete this sentence ten times: “What’s really keeping me awake is…” Then let it rip. Write any anger, guilt, or absurd thoughts about anything. It could be about past emails, conversations, or future dental appointments. 

Then, destroy the evidence. Burn it. Shred it. Do what you need to. And whisper as the ash drifts or the paper curls, “These thoughts lose power here.”

From there, cue your body to transition. Walk barefoot on cold tile for a couple of minutes to trick your brain into thinking it’s winter and time to hibernate. Or, take a hot shower 90 minutes before bed, which helps your core body temperature drop. This is the signal your brain associates with natural sleepiness.

Phase 2: Lying down and letting go

Once you’re in bed, the real mind games begin. You’ve made it through the noise of the day, but now you’re face-to-face with yourself in the dark. Here’s where some simple (but weirdly effective) techniques come in.

Start by remembering that this isn’t about fighting; it’s about surrender. Let your face go slack, like wet sand. Drop your shoulders like you’re sitting down on two heavy backpacks. Breathe out fully and let your lungs refill themselves like they know what they’re doing (because they do).

Then, mentally say the word “D-O-N-E”... one letter per breath. 

You can also try the 4-7-8 breath with something extra: Inhale for 4. Hold for 7. Exhale for 8. But this time, imagine you're blowing anxious thoughts into a balloon. And watch it float off into the night sky.

And if your mind is still talking too loudly, reframe it. Whisper, “This void is where I create my calm.” It's weird, but it works.

Phase 3: Panic overrides (when all else fails)

Sometimes, anxiety doesn’t just whisper. It kicks down the door. In those moments, here’s how to make a quick exit from the racing-mind loop.

Try the five senses override: Bring your attention to one texture (your sheets or the blanket). One taste (even swishing water in your mouth counts). One smell (like a drop of lavender on your wrist). One sound (fan whirring or distant traffic). And one visual, either real or imagined, like the moon or the stars you saw last week. Do this rotation until your brain shifts from thinking to sensing.

If you’re still buzzing, set a 10 a.m. “appointment” with your worries tomorrow. Then, when they show up at night, you can tell them, “Not now. I’ll see you at 10.”

If all else fails, just get out of bed. Write down one tiny action you’ll take tomorrow related to whatever's haunting you. Maybe it’s: “Text my doctor at 9 a.m.” Or “Email my boss about that deadline.” Then say aloud: “I’ve outsmarted you. Now leave.”

Stop resisting sleep

Remember, sleep isn’t something you get—it’s something you stop resisting. You don’t need to chase it. You just need to create the conditions for it to find you. Sometimes, that looks like counting sheep. Other times, it’s about whispering to your nervous system: “Even chaos needs rest.”

So tonight, try the breath. Try the chant. Or just stare up at the ceiling with curiosity instead of dread. Ask yourself: “What truth wants to be seen right now?” 

And when the answer comes, meet it like an old friend.

Then let it go. And let yourself go.

Because you are not broken. You are simply awake, learning the art of softening.