How to have a more positive outlook on life—when nothing seems to go your way

Hey friend. 

How are you? 

I’ve been traveling quite a bit recently, and I’m starting to notice a bit of a theme with the people I’ve been speaking to: it’s tough out here for a lot of us. On the macro level, the world is a little upside down right now. But on the micro level—our individual lives—a sense of things not going our way can be really pervasive right now. 

Whether it’s a relationship, the loss of a job, difficulty with a project, or challenges around our mental, emotional, and physical health, what do we do when it seems like we are facing obstacle after obstacle? (Hint: Beyoncé wrote a whole album about life throwing lemons at her called “Lemonade.”) 

In all seriousness, though, I have found that in my own life, combining a growth mindset with self-compassion helps me weather the inevitable low points in life that we all face from time to time. 

Growth mindset: Obstacles vs. opportunities

We don’t have control over the circumstances life presents us, but we do have control over how we respond and how we shape our perspective. 

When difficult circumstances arise and persist, instead of seeing them as obstacles, we can reframe our experiences as opportunities that can help us grow. For instance, a challenging point in a relationship could be an opportunity to learn new ways to communicate with your partner. Difficulties at work could signal an opportunity to re-examine your career path, whether that means slowly looking for new jobs or deepening your education. Health challenges can be opportunities to cultivate a healthier and more sustainable lifestyle. 

When we view our difficulties not as things that are weighing us down, but as steps on a ladder that we can climb toward a better future or a healthier version of ourselves, we can feel a sense of invigoration—even joy—at the prospect of meaningful, deliberate change.

Self-compassion: Being a friend to yourself

When nothing seems to go our way, it can be a really lonely place. This is why it’s important to develop a friendship with yourself that can show up when you need it most. An inner voice that encourages rather than discourages is crucial in challenging times. 

When we practice self-compassion, we relate to ourselves the way that we would relate to a friend who was in the same circumstance. How would you speak to someone who was going through a challenging time? You can speak to yourself in the same way. We often further isolate ourselves during difficult periods by holding ourselves to unrealistic standards or feeling like our situations are unique only to us. But self-compassion can remind us that what we are experiencing is a part of the human condition, and we are not alone in facing challenges. Having a “friend on the inside” through developing a kind inner voice can help us ride the waves of life‘s ups and downs. 

This is something that takes practice and can take some getting used to since the default voice for most of us is a self-critical one. That’s why I encourage you to notice how you’re feeling right now and speak to yourself the way that you would speak to a friend who was feeling the same way. This is a simple practice that you can do whether times are great, boring, or difficult. Making a habit out of relating to yourself in this way now can ensure that you will have an inner friend to encourage you when you need it most.

If you’re going through a tough time right now, my heart goes out to you. Please know that tough times don’t last forever, and as my mom likes to say, there will be joy in the morning. If you can engage what you’re experiencing with a growth mindset and self-compassion, I know you’ll make it through stronger, kinder, and wiser. 

Hang in there. You got this.

With love,

Ofosu