Rethinking resolutions: How Coach Leah is pursuing goals with kindness and purpose

As the New Year begins, we set ambitious goals with the hope of transforming our lives. But resolutions can sometimes feel like a double-edged sword—pushing us to grow while also setting us up for frustration when we fall short. 

This year, I’m approaching my goals differently. Now, I’m balancing the pursuit of my goals with kindness and self-compassion. Here’s how I’m making this shift and how you can, too.

Find your strong “why”

Neuroscientists on habit formation, like Eike Buabang, highlight the importance of a strong motivator or why behind any goal. Research shows that our chances of success improve when our goals are aligned with our values and priorities. Without a meaningful reason, habits are harder to build and maintain.

For me, this became clear with exercise. Before becoming a parent, I exercised vigorously every day. But as my priorities shifted during my child’s early years, that daily habit fell away. I started prioritizing time with my son, raising him in a healthy environment, and resting. Now, as I aim to exercise more regularly again, I’ve learned that finding my why is crucial. How does working out more align with my life today?

First, it improves my mood, focus, and health, allowing me to show up for my child with vitality and a positive presence. Second, it allows me to role model healthy habits, teaching my child the value of movement for his physical and mental well-being. With these motivators in mind, my desire to exercise transforms from a vague intention to a purposeful act that aligns with my values as a parent.

Set concrete goals

Once the why is clear, the next step is creating actionable plans. Researchers recommend using action triggers and “if-then” statements to make habits more tangible. Instead of saying, “I want to exercise more,” I’ve committed to saying, “If it’s Monday, Tuesday, Thursday, or Saturday, then I’ll exercise for 45 minutes.” When we’re more specific, we’re more likely to schedule it and follow through. 

Reward yourself along the way

Another essential piece of the puzzle is self-reward. Just as our brains release dopamine when we check a notification or receive a social media like, we can train ourselves to find joy and reward in healthier behaviors.

For example, after completing a workout, I can celebrate with a small treat, like playing my favorite music, sipping coffee, or enjoying a moment of quiet reflection. I tell myself something in the process, such as, “I’m rewarding myself” or “You deserve this.” Even when I fall short of my goal, I can remind myself to acknowledge my effort with self-compassion, saying, “Thank you for doing all you could,” or rewarding myself with a relaxing bath or a heartfelt conversation with a friend. 

This practice not only reinforces commitment but also builds intrinsic self-worth. Instead of seeking external validation, we can learn to celebrate ourselves for simply existing and being human. Studies in psychology show that self-compassion fosters motivation and personal improvement, helping us stick with our goals even when we stumble.

Embrace imperfection

This approach is a radical shift from the all-or-nothing mindset we usually bring to our New Year’s resolutions. By weaving self-kindness and intrinsic motivation into my habits, I know I’m cultivating not just a healthier body and mind but also a healthier relationship with myself. Because achieving goals isn’t just about the outcome—it’s about who we become in the process.

So, pursue your goals with purpose. Celebrate every effort you make. Embrace your imperfection. Life can be so much more enjoyable and effective this way.