How to manage your child’s big feelings without losing your cool: A Q&A with Leah and Ofosu

Helping kids through big feelings can be tough, especially when they have a meltdown. Staying calm in these situations not only helps your child feel secure but also models ways they can learn to handle emotions over time.

In this Q&A, Balance meditation experts Leah Santa Cruz and Ofosu Jones-Quartey share techniques to help parents respond with empathy and mindfulness during challenging moments. 

When a child has a big meltdown, it can feel overwhelming. What’s your go-to first step to stay calm in those moments?

Leah: When my child is melting down, I start by taking a deep breath and telling myself, “They’re not being difficult; they’re having a difficult time.” This reminder helps shift my mindset. My child isn’t acting out to make my life harder—they’re struggling in that moment and need my support to co-regulate. They don’t yet have the skills to handle it on their own.

This shift in perspective helps me feel less frustrated and more compassionate. When I respond this way, it allows us to co-regulate, which helps them learn how to manage their emotions over time. I see it as part of helping my child build emotional intelligence, which often happens in the toughest moments.

Ofosu: I take a few breaths and give myself a moment to feel what I’m feeling. Often, I’ll name the emotions I’m experiencing, just in my head, to help me ground myself. I also try to empathize with my child, seeing things from their perspective. They’re still learning to express themselves and understand life, which can be hard. This helps me cool down and respond with kindness and clarity.

Mindfulness can seem tricky to teach kids. Are there any simple breathing exercises or mindfulness techniques you’d recommend for parents to use together with their child?

Leah: My 3-year-old and I already practice taking three deep breaths together when emotions start running high. It’s become such a habit that he sometimes tells me, “Mama, just take big breaths like this,” and he’ll demonstrate! Three breaths alone can have a big impact.

Another technique is “equal breathing,” where you help your child count the inhale and exhale to the same number, like four or five. You don’t have to be exact—just find a comfortable rhythm. I also think body awareness exercises are great, like asking them to notice their fingers, toes, head, or chest, and even imagine a color in those areas. It’s grounding and can be playful.

Ofosu: You can share mindfulness with kids in simple, informal ways. For example, on a walk, you can play a game like a “listening walk,” where you listen to the sounds around you and then share what you hear. Bedtime can also be a good time to practice mindfulness. I’ll invite my kids to breathe deeply and let go of any tension they might feel as they exhale. Bedtime and meals are also times when we reflect on things we’re grateful for. And when my kids have a hard moment, I’ll sometimes just hold them and breathe deeply myself, modeling the kind of breathing they can do when they’re ready.

Sometimes, we just need a moment to breathe ourselves. What are some quick, grounding techniques parents can use on the spot?

Leah: Extended exhaling, or the “4-6 breath,” is an easy and quick go-to. You inhale for a count of four and exhale for a count of six. If you do this for five minutes, it can have a powerful calming effect.

Ofosu: I use a four-step formula: “Feet on the ground, air in my lungs, sounds all around, I am enough.” First, I focus on my feet, noticing the contact with the ground. Then, I take deep breaths, tune into sounds around me, and end with a compassionate reminder to myself: “I am enough.” This formula brings me back to the present.

Kids’ big feelings can be intense, especially in public or at family gatherings. How can parents keep their cool and support their child through a meltdown when others are around?

Leah: Many public places are overstimulating for kids, and meltdowns can happen because of overstimulation, hunger, tiredness, or discomfort. When possible, I take my child to a quieter spot, where I can sit with them, let them get their emotions out, and breathe with them. I’ll acknowledge what they might be feeling, and if they need something, like food or rest, I address that too.

If I can’t find a quiet spot, I focus on staying calm and present for them, knowing it’ll help them regulate. People may judge, but my priority is my child, not their opinions. These moments remind me to show up as the parent my child needs, not to make others comfortable.

Ofosu: I try to find a private space where I can talk with my child one-on-one. I ask what they need, and if I can meet that need, I do. If not, I acknowledge it and let them know that they might be able to have it later. If they’re scared or overwhelmed, I reassure them and breathe with them to help them calm down. We can’t control what others think, and that’s okay—our focus is on supporting our child through a tough moment.

Helping kids name and understand their big feelings can be challenging. Do you have any suggestions on how to introduce emotions to children in a way they can understand?

Leah: Emotion charts with facial expressions can help kids name their feelings by pointing to a face that matches theirs. I also ask kids where they feel emotions in their bodies—like if it feels heavy, light, warm, or cold—and even what color they think it is. These kinds of questions help them describe and connect with their feelings.

Ofosu: I find it helpful to ask kids how their positive emotions feel in their bodies, like when they’re happy or relaxed. This way, when they experience harder feelings, they already have a framework to talk about it. You can ask them where they feel it, if it has a color, or if there’s a texture. This kind of awareness can grow over time. Mindfulness classes or family sessions can also help make this a normal part of life.

What do you think is one of the most helpful things a parent can keep in mind when guiding their child through big feelings?

Leah: It’s important not to take our children's emotions personally or assume we're failing as a parent if they have big feelings or meltdowns at times. This is a normal part of growing up. See their big reactions as calls for support. Supporting them without shame or judgment creates a safe space for emotional growth.

Ofosu: Self-compassion is essential. Life is challenging, and young kids are still learning about it all. By showing patience with yourself and your child, you can handle these moments more easily. Remembering that they’re temporary helps—these emotions will pass, and we can weather them without adding extra stress.