What does “being resilient” really mean?

Hey friend, 

Lately, I’ve been hearing and talking a lot about resilience. As a matter of fact, earlier today, I was planning a mindfulness outing for teenagers, and the theme I was discussing with my fellow teachers was about how mindfulness can help us to become more resilient. 

But what does it mean to be resilient in the first place? Oxford Dictionary defines resilience as:

“Being able to withstand or recover quickly from difficult conditions.”

That seems simple enough. But I think this definition is a bit deceptive on its face. Yes, resiliency does involve being able to “roll with life’s punches,” but what do we do about the very real impacts we inevitably experience while rolling with said punches?

Resilience isn’t just toughing it out—here’s what helps

In order for resilience to be sustainable, it takes more than simply being able to withstand difficulty. It involves acknowledging the circumstances you find yourself in, noticing how your body is responding to stress, and offering yourself kindness. 

1. Acknowledge the circumstances you’re in

Challenges, like stress at work, difficulty in a relationship, grieving the loss of a loved one, or experiencing physical setbacks, are a part of life. Sustainable resilience doesn’t gloss over the fact that things are challenging. The first step towards recovering from a difficult situation is admitting that it’s difficult without shame. This is also one of the components of mindfulness and self-compassion: naming what’s there without judgment. 

2. Recognize your body’s response to the challenge

Challenges are stressful, and stress is experienced in the body. When we bring our awareness to where we are experiencing stress in our body, we are giving ourselves special, needed attention to help process the body’s stress response. Noticing how the body is experiencing stress also brings us out of our ruminating thoughts about the situation and into the present-moment reality of the body’s experience.  

3. Offer yourself kindness

We can remind ourselves that going through challenges is not something unique to us individually. It’s a human experience. We’re not the only ones dealing with difficult situations. Reminding ourselves of this can reduce the sense of shame or added stress we might feel. From here, we can offer ourselves the same type of support we would offer a friend in the same situation. Imagine that your best friend or loved one was going through the same thing. What would you say to them? How would you treat them? However you might speak to or treat a friend in the same situation, you can offer yourself that same support.

All of the above involves more than simply rolling with the punches life throws us. It involves bringing awareness and kindness to ourselves as we move through difficulty. We can’t control what life throws at us, but we can control how we respond. Noticing what we are experiencing without judgment, bringing awareness into our body, and offering ourselves kindness gives us the ability to process our experiences so that instead of difficult circumstances impacting us as trauma, they become sources of our inner strength and resilience.

I hope some of this is helpful for the next time you face a challenge. Remember to be present and kind to yourself. You got this. You are enough.

With love,

Ofosu