Parental burnout: How to recognize it and what you can do to recover

Have you ever heard the term “life is life-ing right now”? 

I’ve heard it used to describe the feeling when life’s ups and downs feel particularly intense and constant. Our personal and professional lives come with their own triumphs and challenges, and those peaks and valleys become that much sharper when our responsibilities as parents are thrown into the mix. 

3 ways I navigate parental burnout 

Many of us experience burnout. It’s the point at which we no longer have the full mental, emotional, and physical resources needed to meaningfully manage our lives. 

If you are a parent experiencing burnout, know that you are not alone. When life starts life-ing, burnout can be around the corner, and so can unskillful words and actions toward ourselves and the ones we love the most. 

Here are a few ways to navigate burnout both before it starts and when I’m in the throes of it.

1. Schedule regular self-check-ins

One of the reasons I’m so grateful for my mindfulness practice is that it’s helped me cultivate the habit of checking in with my mind, body, and emotions randomly throughout the day. Cultivating this habit of checking in with yourself anytime you can remember can be a crucial defense against the onset of burnout. 

Try to think of yourself as a friend that you are checking up on regularly. You’re not checking in with them to judge them for how they’re feeling, but you have true concern for their well-being. When you do a light check-in with yourself—perhaps pausing to breathe and just noticing the state of your mind, body, and emotions—you can get an honest sense of how you’re doing in the moment. You can also see whether or not you feel resourced enough to proceed into the next moment, or if you need to take some deep breaths, offer yourself some words of encouragement or compassion, or ask for help as a way to support yourself.

2. Communicate your feelings

If you’re starting to feel stressed, irritable, exhausted, and overall under-resourced, you may be caught in the quicksand of burnout. In these moments, it’s important not to judge yourself harshly or be unkind to yourself, but to support yourself by asking for help or communicating your feelings so you feel heard. 

For me, I am able to communicate with my wife when I feel like I’ve “hit a wall” and need some additional support with the kids. However, when she’s not available, I’ve noticed that simply acknowledging how difficult the moment is by saying to myself, “This is really hard right now,” helps me to recognize the truth of the situation—instead of denying it and making it harder on myself. If it feels age-appropriate, I may also communicate to my children that I’m having a hard time. I think it’s important to model for our kids that we are not superhuman.

3. Take time to rejuvenate, rest and restore

None of us can pour from an empty cup. When we are burnt out, we are literally running on fumes, and that doesn’t do anyone any good. In order to be the best versions of ourselves and, by extension, the best parents we can be, we need to take time to resource ourselves. Everybody might not understand your need to care for yourself, and it may be necessary for you to set a hard boundary for restoration and rejuvenation, but ultimately everyone will be better for it. 

Whether it’s long, relaxing showers, regular formal meditation practice, taking walks in nature, doing something creative, watching your favorite show, listening to music, or a little bit of all of the above, taking time to rejuvenate, rest and restore works as a way to mitigate against and recover from burnout. (There are Singles on the Balance app, like positivity, relaxation, or even Sleep Journeys that can support you in the process of resourcing yourself in a meaningful way.)

As a fellow parent, I can say from experience that burnout is no fun and something to be taken seriously. Using mindfulness to check in with yourself, communicating when things are tough, and taking time to care for yourself are all ways that you can both protect yourself and heal from burnout.